Showing posts with label Ria Shenoy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ria Shenoy. Show all posts

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Rein Rain's Reign

So the rains seem to have arrived and there’s no running away. According to me, the only reason to want rains is because without it, I would have to spend October to December suffering constant water cuts.

To make you more aware of the fact, there is Facebook where my dear friends have now turned into weather reporters. You don’t need to put up ‘Rains <3’ or ‘Weather :D’ every time it starts drizzling, we have a window for crying out loud!


Okay, I agree that after 3 months of scorching heat and sunblock, the clouds do prove to be a relief. But can you handle this gloomy, depressing weather for the next 4 whole months?

Besides, it’s not just the melancholic sky. I haven’t even begun to describe the main problem yet. The Rain.

I don’t have an issue with water falling on my head and body, really. It’s just that I’d rather have that happen in the bathroom than when I’m well-dressed and ready to go out.

The monsoon is a lucky time for roadside perverts who ogle at women. They hit their jackpot when a girl is dressed in white, walking on the street and it happens to rain. It’s a treat to their lecherous eyes.

Another thing beyond my comprehension is how anyone can find rains romantic. I don’t deny the fact that everything looks beautiful during the rains but that’s only when I’m in the comforts of my home. Ask the poor desperados who can’t seem to find a room and find it appropriate to get to second base under an umbrella in their neighbourhood garden.

The next move, according to protocol is for newspapers and magazines to go and interview jobless celebrities about how they spend their monsoon. I can assure you, the only answer you’re going to get is “Drinking Hot chai and eating bhajiyas.” I mean wow, you’re so amazingly innovative, nobody has ever thought of doing that before.

It’s needless to remind you that the maximum number of diseases that spread are during the monsoon and every time you think of eating something off the street, your mother’s admonishing voice will play in your head warning you about the threats of consuming outside food during monsoon.

To all the monsoon-lovers, if you like the rains so much you should like the filth too. I mean, isn’t it a delight to have disgusting muck on your clothes and shoes? You must also love the annoyingly large number of flies that find a home in yours. Especially the enormous, blue ones that find it appropriate to share your food.

Don’t even get me started on the traffic jams and the mess the BMC creates. Abandoning past projects during the monsoon is what they specialize in. The numerous potholes are maddening. You don’t need to go to a theme park to experience the “Bumpy Ride”, just drive on Mumbai roads.

The only time I’m going to stop my rant is when people finally admit that everything is NOT hunky dory during the rains. I know that there are very few people who are going to support me on this matter. Call me a cynic but I am one of the few who don’t like the rains much. But there’s no harm in voicing your opinion, is there?










Friday, 1 June 2012

Mosquitoes: To Kill Or Not To Kill

Mosquitoes were supposed to be gone by summer. Our dear unwelcome guests have unfortunately extended their stay. We are in the month of June and I still have two annoying mosquitoes hovering above my head just waiting for an opportunity to suck on my precious blood.

I watch them “chilling” on my hand and I try to make a swift ninja-type move hoping to successfully squat them and FAIL.
I feel like a loser. I can’t even kill a mosquito. One time, I tried to squash one between my palms and it flew away alive. I’m sure even a five year old could do better than that.



Life would have been so much easier if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

I am back to staring at my computer screen now and they still wont let me live in peace. Mosquito #1 is still desperately trying to settle on my arm while Mosquito #2 is making that exasperating buzzing sound near my ears. Oh that sound, it makes me want to pull my eardrums out.



It still amuses me that the mosquitoes that sting are female. To all the men out there, a mosquito buzzing and a woman nagging may sound pretty much the same. In our defense, the male mosquitoes lie around doing nothing except, well, mate ;) 


One of my handiest purchases last winter was the mosquito electrocution racket. A single movement of the wrist and you have the joy of watching those bothersome, bloodsucking little devils burn to death. Also, because of its tennis racket façade, one gets the cheap thrill of jumping and electrocuting mosquitoes and then feeling like Roger Federer. However, the racket is beyond my arm’s reach right now and I am too lazy to get up and go get it. So I decide to kill them myself. 


I know I may sound like a sadist but I honestly believe mosquitoes are Satan in insect form and if we don’t annihilate them now, they are a potential threat to human kind.

Exaggeration? So it may seem but no, mosquitoes have wrecked my sleep countless number of times and I have spent several days being sleep-deprived looking like a zombie. No sleep=No energy to do anything= No success= Ruined Life.



I have an unspoken agreement with insects around here. You fly around, do nothing to me, I will not bother you. But if you exploit your freedom and irritate me, little daredevil, you have to go.


My last drop of humanity just evaporated. Mosquito Slayer Mode: ON.

I don't want to seem like a brutal murderer so I try to convince myself that I am a part of nature and I am genetically programmed to defend myself against something that is trying to feed on me. 





Bottom Line: Kill Mosquitoes
They’re so annoying i’m sure even Mother Nature thinks it’s alright to kill 

them.






Join the group and keep yourself updated athttps://www.facebook.com/groups/190494541073574/

If you like our post do like our page on FaceBook
https://www.facebook.com/ShenoyandShenoy




Wednesday, 25 April 2012

The Stupid Smile



At this very moment, I am staring at my computer screen and thinking what could be the next thing I can write about. I ponder over it for quite sometime and array of thoughts run through my head and I find myself smiling stupidly at the computer for no goddamn reason. 


What exactly is the stupid smile?


I am strolling nonchalantly. All of a sudden, I remember a joke that a friend cracked in the morning and I smile to myself. To me, it’s absolutely normal. To the guy who walked past me right now, who is obviously unaware of my thought process, it may seem, well, creepy.  Bordering on mental. And I still continue to smile in blissful oblivion. Stupidly. 


The Stupid Smile is imbecilic combined with foolish and a dash of sheepish. The Smile that makes you look extremely intelligent in the eye of the beholder. (Sense the Sarcasm)


I can assure you, at one point in time all of us have been a victim of the stupid smile.


Here’s another instance, you accomplished a not-so-easy objective in front of all your friends and now you’re feeling smug about it. There is no way in hell that you can wipe that grin off your face! To you it’s absolutely normal. To everyone else around you though, it’s stupid.



The Stupid Smile also makes an appearance when someone compliments you and you know you deserve it because you checked yourself out and you liked what you saw. You actually want to say “I know.” but you obviously can’t say that out loud so you continue to give the person a polite smile and a modest ‘Thanks’ but little did you know it made you look well, Stupid.


You’re walking down the street, you trip and fall. Your friends saw you and laughed. You don’t want to embarrass yourself so you try to flash the “Its no big deal” smile but in reality you’re flashing the “I tripped in public, I’m trying not to look stupid” smile. And as always, after all the efforts, you do look stupid in the end.


It’s your birthday. You and your friends are standing around the birthday cake and all of them are singing the Birthday Song to you. You have no idea what to do with yourself so you smile at them. If only someone had clicked a picture of you at that moment would you know how stupid you looked.


The Stupid Smile Exchange:
You are in deep thought. Your mind is elsewhere and your eyes are fixated at one point thinking it’s a blank space. However, it isn’t a blank space and you are staring at someone with great intensity and you don’t even realize it. The subject is conscious and doesn’t know how to react to your weird behaviour so he/she gives you a Stupid Smile hoping that finally you’ll stop staring. That is when you realize that you’ve been staring at him/her all this while and return the Stupid Smile.


Smile Analysis isn’t exactly my forte but writing about silly things no one thinks about is.


Join the group and keep yourself updated athttps://www.facebook.com/groups/190494541073574/

If you like our post do like our page on FaceBook
https://www.facebook.com/ShenoyandShenoy
                                           

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Gleeful Gluttony

Have you ever felt a hunger so intense it may seem close to being insatiable?
Felt like you have the capacity to consume everything on Earth and still be hungry enough to scan the universe for more? 


I can't cook for the life of me! However, I am mighty pleased with the progress I have made in recent times. I can now successfully make palatable tea and Maggi :D. This isn't enough to satisfy the demands of my stomach, nevertheless.


On certain days, life is all about eating. Those are the days when you compare yourself to an animal, where the sole purpose of your existence is to fulfil your gastronomical needs. 


Here is how my schedule goes:
7am:  Mom, where's my breakfast?
11am: What if I get hungry in class? I should have a pre-lunch snack.
1pm: MOOOM! LUNCH! FEED ME, I'M STARVING.
3pm: It's been 2 hours since I ate I guess its okay to have a post-lunch snack.
5pm: Every evening calls for a snack :')
8pm: MOM! What's for dinner?
12pm: Its a brand new day! Let's celebrate it with a snack.


My hunger is at its peak when I'm studying. The only thing to look forward during a study session is food. That's the time you feel that your brain will stop functioning if you don't have food in your mouth. 


Another annoying habit : Study for an hour. Walk to kitchen. Open the fridge door. Check for food. Go back to studying. Repeat the same procedure and be disappointed by the fact that no new food has magically appeared in the past hour. 


Also, the "Single on Valentine's Day Dilemma" : This Valentine's, we've decided to change the adage from "I'm single and ready to mingle" to "I'm single and looking for a Pringle"


The "Meme Obsessed and Hungry" syndrome : I'm going to ask the MemeBase to make a "Forever Hungry" meme with my face.




The "Eager Waiter": You're at a restaurant and you're hungry. You've placed your order. Now you gawk expectantly at every waiter who passes by with food in his hand hoping your turn has arrived.


The "Food Hider" condition: My favourite food! There are hardly any of these left! What if someone eats them? Let me hide it in a secret location and no one needs to know. 


The "I'm possessive about my food" infirmity: Yes, I know I offered you a bite. But that's just out of courtesy. It doesn't give you ANY right to take the first bite. Nor does it give you the right to take any more bites! Take one more and I'll bite your head off. 



"Share hunger on Facebook" disorder: Oh god I'm so hungry! Let me make a Facebook group about how much I love food and see how many people share the same sentiments!

"There's no food in the house" disaster: Earthquake, I can handle that. Tsunami, bring it on! Tornado, does that sound like Cornetto to you?
Theres no food in the house, DISASTER! God, what did I ever do to you to make me see this dreadful day?


And finally, this one's for me :),
The "Incessantly Hungry Blogger": I love food so much. Let me blog about it and let people know!


If you've read this post you may think I weigh a 100 kilograms. Not even close, but I'm getting there. 
I'm going to sign off now, all this food-centric writing has made me hungry again!


                                                      - Ria Shenoy 

































Saturday, 28 January 2012

WhY d0 pEoPle tAlK liKe tHiS ?

After the advent of cellphones, SMS language came along and so did the extermination of English grammar. I get the logic behind SMS language but why anyone would put in additional efforts to capitalize every alternate letter is beyond my comprehension. 


What irks me more is modifying normal words in a miserable attempt to sound 'cool'. Believe me, 'kewl' is NOT cool. There is no rational explanation for typing in this disastrous manner.The sole purpose of SMS language was to reduce texting time. You're typing the same number of alphabets so you're not achieving that either!  
My sincere request, 'Puhleez' grow up and get a reality check or else, i'm 'sowwie' to say, but one fine day people will throw 'Rawks' at you and then only 'Gawd' can save you. 

Yet another annoying aspect, excessive punctuations.
Do you want to sound like you're on an adrenaline rush ?
What difference would it make if you typed "Hey!" instead of "Hey!!!!!!!!!!!"
It just makes you sound unnecessarily excited and personally, I find it kind of creepy. 

Using a zillion dots is also vexatious. An ellipsis consists of three dots. It's supposed to indicate a short pauses or breaks in the writer's train of thought not a mini coma.

And finally coming to chat abbreviations, I know you're in a hurry but you're not exactly the busiest person in the world. Why butcher the English language?
It won't kill you to write 'what's up' instead of 'Ssup' or 'wazza'.I can still fathom using it if you don't have a qwerty keypad. I honestly don't see the laboriousness in typing a complete, grammatically correct word when all the alphabets lay right in front of you. 

I blame it on our youth who are incapable of finding their own identity and hence try to ape the west. Typing 'ma' instead of 'my' won't make you American. Contrary to what you pseudos may think, it does not make you sound like a rap artist either.

Don't be ashamed of who you are and where you're from. Don't be a poser. Keep it natural. 

                                                           @ShenoyChinmay
@Fooljhadi